What does salvation actually look like? As I
re-read the book Radical. That question has been weighing heavy on my
mind for days now and it only has lead to more questions and an aching hunger
for God to answer. The intensity of this book is self-explained in its title
and has uprooted the beautiful ache of my heart--to return to my First love.
As a sinner I was bound for Hell. For
loneliness. For fiery evil and He took me from that. Salvation is not a task I
can just cross of my list after completing it. It's an entrance into the narrow
path. A gateway into understanding God done through fear, complete abandonment,
and wholehearted love for a Man that came down and dragged by body out of the
pits of Hell. I can't put salvation in a cute Hallmark card or celebrate it
like a birthday party as if its a one day occasion...it's a call to live a
lifestyle given over to Christ. We need to stop wasting our time with finding
cute phrases of how non-believers can say the magical words and be instantly
saved. There are close friends I know that are not saved. Many nights I ponder
if they ever really will believe in God. But in truth…many people 'believe' in
God...but do they live their lives for Him? Today the church is preaching a
nonchalant, easygoing Jesus. They fit and manipulate God's character in a way
that works best for them. They work Him in to the areas that need a boost of
happiness, give Him two hours of focus on Sunday and Wednesday night bible
studies, and think they have mastered the "art of Christianity". But
God is completely other than anything we can create Him to be. Salvation should
cause us to cringe in our skin at the darkness that surrounds us and drowns us.
It should cause us to fear what will happen to us if we don't give everything
to Him. It should cause was to have a deep groaning to touch His presence and
love Him more each day. If we are to read the Bible for truly what it is we
will see that salvation is not a certificate of completion, but an entrance
into knowing Him. Salvation is the kindergarten stage of the Kingdom focused
education system.
We have settled in our hearts that that one-day
when we are feeling hopeless and emotional and we haven't eaten or slept for 12
hours and we say yes to Jesus that that's it. Life as a sinner going to Hell is
over and we now sit waiting for our crown and sash. But I refuse to believe
that is all. We are a wretched, selfish generation to think that God exists to
make our lives comfortable and easy here on earth. As my pastor always says,
Please do not hear what I am not saying. I believe that we can't earn anything
from God, by His grace He freely gives and enjoys blessing His children, but
that is not the sole reason why we were created. We are meant to glorify Him
with everything that we have. We can't treat God like a gumball machine that He
gives candies to. He's more than that. We are the broken He is the healer. He
loves us in our weakness; He loves us through the days we struggle to love back.
And He desires that for all the days of our lives we cry out to Him for help.
The Lord is so freaking kind. He waits
patiently for that day we look upon Him to be our savior and instantly accepts
us into our love, but I can't accept the idea that you say yes to Jesus, live
your life as you desire (looking no different from Jesus haters) and still be
in perfect union with the King of Kings, Lord of Lords. It doesn't make sense.
He deserves more than that. He is worthy of everything we have--all of our
attention. We cannot degrade Him to some homework assignment we complete to
just maintain happiness and well-being. He isn't some 12-step program we can
just go through for six months and graduate. He is a God of process, the finish
line to a lifelong marathon. We can't expect to go a fourth of the distance and
know Him fully. He is an infinite God--we can never know Him 100%. But that is
the beauty. He, in His "I am God, nothing for Me is impossible" ways
show us that if we are completely dependent on Him He will take us
through. We are called to run the distance and endure the daily struggle
to oppose the world. We are called to choose Him. Every minute say yes to Him.
We are called to die to ourselves because when we lose the world, we will gain
Him and eternity.
I want to stop preaching the message that we
should be saved JUST to escape hell and start screaming at the top of my lungs
that He's worthy of our complete adoration simply because He is the Creator. He
is the one that made all of this come to be. He is the sole reason of yours
existence and mine. He is beautiful and majestic and unlike anything else and
for that reason I want to know Him. Not because of what He can do for me in my
life, but because of who He is; He gave up everything to be with me so in
return I should give Him my small pee-wee anything of a life to Him.
Salvation is the beginning into picking up our
cross and denying ourselves. It's a journey of daily dying. I can't just sit
back and leave salvation at a small prayer we say to Jesus at a conference one
weekend and believe that we are living a life completely devoted to Jesus.
Don't you think if this life was just meant to escape Hell then when we say
those magic words we'd instantly be in Heaven. But that's not the case. There
is a reason we stay on Earth even after we say yes to Him. That is only the
beginning. To truly love Him we must obey Him. We must look in the Gospels and
follow what He commands. To sell everything, leave the comfort of the world in
order to find eternal life. I am not okay with the entire reason of existence
being watered down to a short ten second prayer of inviting Jesus into our
hearts. Anyone can say it, but can we actually do it? Can we actually allow
Jesus to come into our heart and plow out the darkness, the greed, the pride we
carry in the accomplishments of the flesh? Can we allow Him to remove
everything that the world finds worth in and let it be replaced with the things
a poor, Jewish carpenter finds worthy? Can we let Him groom us into vessels for
His work instead of attempting to hire Him on staff to maintain our
self-proclaimed, self-glorifying cruise ship? Can we lay down the workings of
our hands and daily pick up His desire and plans?
Oh how I so badly want to say yes to all of
those questions. But in honesty I can't. So many parts of my life are trapped under
the fear of man, the disbelief in His PERFECT leadership. so many times I step
back and try to fix the flaws myself. I put God on hold until that moment I
really need Him. But I always need Him, not sometimes, not just one time. It's
impossible for any human who was created to worship the Lord, live in the true
fulfillment of their calling and not know Jesus. It's sounds almost like common
sense, but we so often look for it somewhere else because its easier than
facing a God who offends people through love.
As I leave the comfort of home, say goodbye to
the luxury Orange County so openly offers, the cry of my heart is to return to
my first love. To once again have that feeling that if I let go of His embrace
I will stop breathing; the reality that when I am attached to His presence only
then can I survive. I want to lay it all down again and find joy, true joy in
doing so. Because nothing is mine, in this world there is nothing I own except
a choice of good and evil and what I choose will determine my end, my eternal
home. Our bodies may stop working on this earth, but one day, one day we will
again rise and every one of us will forever be very, very alive. Where will we
be, heaven or hell? The choice in this vapor of life will answer that question.
Will it be in the presence of perfect love or the torture of emptiness?
Once again I am declaring abandonment. I am
crying out for a spiritual strength to leave everything behind for the One that
gave it all. I am a lowly branch connected to the eternal vine and without Him
I am nothing.
