He will give new names...

A little fire has recently built up inside of me.  A rope has wrapped around my waist tugging me towards a certain place and I am letting it.  I am walking with that tugging rope rather than it draggin me face first, feet following and bruises everywhere. Its a thing thats been missing for awhile.  I like the tugging part. The need to seek for something more is refreshing and makes me want to walk with that rope even faster. I am stuck on wanting something more and to do that I have found myself stepping back to the beginning.  Not the one the world praises with useless New Years resolutions.  But the real beginning.  The one with the creation, it's reasoning, and the beginning of humanities love and purpose. I am going back and again re-seeking that first love.  I am again realizing that the only thing I need to know in this world is Jesus.  

See I recognize peoples disbelief at miracles, or attempting to know a Man you cannot see; finding the truth and reward of the ultimate sacrifice. It's ultimate for a reason and the decision leaves you, at first, ironically empty handed. Stripped of the life you have created and the memories put in a scrapbook (or for some of us a box titled "projects to finish"). But what I don't understand is people's complete lack of focus and fear on death.  That they can just wake up every morning and not think about what happens when they die. I just want to slap people in the face, give a little walk up call, a tap of pain and scream, "OPEN YOUR EYES, THERE'S MORE THAN THIS!!!!" How does the world not see that.  How do they just walk around aimlessly going to work, planning giant weddings, having kids, dancing at clubs on a Saturday,  making turkey sandwiches for lunch and be satisfied.  I understand there is a false grace message out there wrongly assuring everyone they will enter heaven but even those compromisers lack the fear of death and drive for more. The fear stems right from the Book of Revelation.  It's right there in Jesus' promises and persecutions and yet the world sees nothing (or mistakes it for that ridiculous, vein popping frustration of the false grace message) It speaks of nonbelievers breaking into pieces for their inequities and lack of repentance; even the "lukewarmers" He will spit out. But to those that turn and believe, to those that overcome, they will be given a white stone, "with a new name written on the stone that no one knows except the one who receives it." How does that not just stop the world in awe.  How has everyone not fallen to their knees lovesick with that eternal promise. I can't even grasp what it fully means that names will be rewritten for only only the receivers to see, but I know I want it. That is the essence of what I currently yearn for and hope to always run after. That intimacy. That love between the father and I.  To be in a place where I am so freaking close to Him that we only share my new name.  In a world where the search for ones independence reigns I long for dependence with God; to go back to the beginning and glue myself to my First love.

 Oh how I wish people would stop screaming in their own microphones in hopefulness that the world will see them and start listening to the One that is constantly and forever screaming and yearning for us. 

Where the veil begins to lift.

Every time I read more of His word I understand why I have never felt normal.  It excites me to find worth and purpose, but slightly frustrates me that I was not awake to His truth earlier. It's clear why the main excuse for wanting to die was loneliness. Why I never felt a part of anything. I really was lonely. I really didn't fit in and I, unknowingly, was already dead. Paul says it. The reason for the confusion that is. Right in the second letter to the Corinthians he reveals to them the truth of mankind. He says, "In their case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, to keep them from seeing the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God." That's the key to having the veil lifted. To finding the God of Truth. It's to realize that this world is under oppression. This world is not bowing to the God of rightousness and holiness.  That emptiness I felt, the constant lost utterance I walked with was an actual bleeding cry out to return to His feet. When we  learn the upside down truth of the real and righteous life, Godly fear sets in, His parables are unlocked, and the reason for existence begins to make sense. God is a process. He is an infinite rope, an everlasting plethora of knowledge,and the only way to keep unveiling more is to keep running His created race. It's  to examine our hearts, alter the focus, delete the distractions and at full speed run. I want to continue to know Him more.  I want to love Him continuously and abundantly until there is someway my heart literally hurts. Paul again spoke of the lifestyle that men who fall for Jesus inevidently acquire, "We are treated as impostors, and yet are true; as unknown, and yet well known; as dying, and behold, we live; as punished, and yet not killed; as sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing, yet possessing everything. Oh how I want to feel that joy. Like the put on a smile, tears streaming down the face type joy, and yet the world sees nothing of me. Every day it makes more sense. We are not to be same colored robots with similar beats, but an aroma of fragrances speaking the Word of the Lord and revealing the magnificent beauty of Christ. I am so freakin marveled at this God.