Where the veil begins to lift.

Every time I read more of His word I understand why I have never felt normal.  It excites me to find worth and purpose, but slightly frustrates me that I was not awake to His truth earlier. It's clear why the main excuse for wanting to die was loneliness. Why I never felt a part of anything. I really was lonely. I really didn't fit in and I, unknowingly, was already dead. Paul says it. The reason for the confusion that is. Right in the second letter to the Corinthians he reveals to them the truth of mankind. He says, "In their case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, to keep them from seeing the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God." That's the key to having the veil lifted. To finding the God of Truth. It's to realize that this world is under oppression. This world is not bowing to the God of rightousness and holiness.  That emptiness I felt, the constant lost utterance I walked with was an actual bleeding cry out to return to His feet. When we  learn the upside down truth of the real and righteous life, Godly fear sets in, His parables are unlocked, and the reason for existence begins to make sense. God is a process. He is an infinite rope, an everlasting plethora of knowledge,and the only way to keep unveiling more is to keep running His created race. It's  to examine our hearts, alter the focus, delete the distractions and at full speed run. I want to continue to know Him more.  I want to love Him continuously and abundantly until there is someway my heart literally hurts. Paul again spoke of the lifestyle that men who fall for Jesus inevidently acquire, "We are treated as impostors, and yet are true; as unknown, and yet well known; as dying, and behold, we live; as punished, and yet not killed; as sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing, yet possessing everything. Oh how I want to feel that joy. Like the put on a smile, tears streaming down the face type joy, and yet the world sees nothing of me. Every day it makes more sense. We are not to be same colored robots with similar beats, but an aroma of fragrances speaking the Word of the Lord and revealing the magnificent beauty of Christ. I am so freakin marveled at this God.